Joker Poker

Sup,

Me and Jamin have strolled in to the sleepy surf town of Raglan -by-the- sea, the season is coming to the close and the town is running at half speed. The surf was minamal (I am like a young Kellie Slater) so we spent the day abusing the free net at the local library, drinking coffe and reading.

As day turned to night we and checked out the local poker night. The game ended up being free to play (it was part of the New zeland poker ladder, whereby you earned points for the grand final in 12 weeks time) However, there was a side pot of 5 bucs (pretty cheap night)

It turned out that is was nearly impossible to win, First of all you didnt know which players have paid into the side pot and this was combined by that you could buy back in at any time as long as you bought a jog of beer.

So we are surrounded by a load od red necks Ben drinking his pint and me drinking a latte (I am on anti-biotics - Kissed to many girls and that)

The real winner that night were the players, I will describe some of the more intresting players and whose job was to allow me to have a bloody awesome night

Player one - A man who had only the upper two canine teeth, went by the name of Manhunter or Monster - I had trouble distiungishing between them.

Player Two, Jerrad - Half way through the game he was peckish, so he ordered a Clam Chowder (I know) Once the afore-mentioned chowder was infront of him he beacme less intrested in poker. He love it so much that he ended up licking it clean like a dog and left lots opf traces on his trailor trash goat-ee.

Player Three - When a man reaches a certain age he becomes angry at the world and loses control of his bodily functions. He doesnt care if he continually burps in public (I did) round of a pllause for Jeff.

Palyer 4 - I will call her Mauri lady. Pleaset women, looked like she had a hard life and could of ranged between 40 -80. She did however have the load of crap going on between her private area (lets keep it that way) and her stomach. Commonly referred to has the Gunt or Fat flap. This load of shit is mesmorising and i have no idea how you get it.

Personaly i think its for people who continually have been hit in the balls or Ver Jay Jay and Evolution has come donw and said, NO. No more will people be abelt o hit you there because i have built you a load of crap that will protect you. Thanks evo, i owe you.

The Gunt was further highlighted by two-stripe joggers,mmmmmmm

Player 4 and 5 were deaf.

These players made the night and one non-player ruined the night for Ben.

Non player number One come on down,

I thought it was a He, Ben thought it was a She. She man was drunk and possibily homeless. He managed at one poitn during the game to come between Me and Ben, arm aorund us both and ask -

'So, Which one of you bitches takes it' - pleasant

After this i kinda avoided all eye contact, Ben however was not as lucky, He kept coming up to him tocuching him and mumbling load od crap. Ben was freaked and had every right to be!

We didnt win but i think the real winner was the night.

Peace x

In Matthew we trust

I read this comment recently

'God made New Zea land on the first day, rested on the 2nd, partied hard for a couple of days and then did a rush job on the rest of the world'

I liked this and it made me smile.

I have counteracted the the natural beauty of the place by not washing my hair or shaving. I am trying to look like Jesus ((just so i can get away with things)Repent) And as someone said to its good to look like Jesus because he was hung like that [please do action of Jesus on the cross] Get it?

I am not actually hung like that and infact suffer from a abnormality called micro penis (google images)

Yes, it is embarrassing but with a good friend support system in place i get by. I have slightly digressed from topic and am running out of time (i am so f8cking busy) that i will leave you wiht a sign that welcomed me in to a small town - it read -

No Doctors,
No Hospital
One cemetary.

How lovely, I stayed for tea