After 3 hours sleep I have a rrived at Christchurch airport. Unfortunately I have arrived 8 hours before my flight. The reasoning behind this is that Jamins internal flight to Auckland [before flying to Fiji] was boarding at 6 am. Under the continual pressure to save money we shared a taxi.
Yesterday we had a total of 11 dollars to our name. We had a surplus of food and had already paid for our accommodation. We spent the day playing chess and watching Vd's. Luckily [more by luck than judgement] we were staying the 'around the world' hostel on the perculiar named 'barbados street'. The hostel was very nice family feel to it and they provided with free internet and use of there VD's. They also had a cat which was nice.
The long and the short od it is that we had 11 dollars and the airport shuttle costs 18 dollars.
What do you do?
Correct,
You don a shirt put some smart black shoes on [unfortunately i only had beige trouser to wear - awful look, imagine a badly dressed golfer at the 19th or an American]
So, back to what we should do,
Yes, Go to the casino and bet your remaining dollar to make up the shortfall. If we win great. If we lose, we still have to draw money and incur bank charges, dam you banks (Grrrr)
I play Roulette a little and generally quite lucky. As Einstein [I think it was him] once said
'The only way to win at Roulette is to steal from the table'
I am not as clever as Him, but i generally agree with the aforementioned motion.
Roulette gives you house odds of 5.27%, this means Go home and dont waster your time or your money. But, Hay, this is gambling and its good to feel the heart flutter stomack churn. In makes you feel alive [inset GA's number]
Anyways, We are only gambling 10 bucs so its not that scary.
We said goodbye to our two new South Korean girl friends [not girlfriends - Girls who are friends - its aloud]
Sonia and Hitoni [pronouced Hit-on-me] wished us good luck and we were on our way.
A little side note, Sonia and Hit-on-me (would) were surprised that their bus tour around the city of Christchurch and the surrounding areas[costing 99 bucs] was full of OAP's! Who knew!
We arrive at the casino, the doorman looks us up and down, instantly realises we are high rollers and we are in. Heading straight for the 1 dollar tables. Big boys shit
Our tactics whihc we had previoulst had discussed were simple. 2 * 5 dollar bets on a colour. Stop when we reach our 18 dollars.
The number two is my favourite number, I also generally bet on 4,5 and7. My Mums, Sisters and Dads favourite numbers [cute]
I lean over to Ben and call black [ not putting any money on]
It spins - Black 2.
Me and Ben chuckle [It wasnt a smile or a laugh, 100% a chuckle]
Next spin, I bet ben it will be Red 27 (still no money on it)
Croupier spins, Hello Red 27. In hindsight (wonderful thing) if we had put our 5 bucs on the two bets we would have enough money to get us to the airport and go for a night out, where we would have probably bought girls drinks and they would have walked off after drinking them
[Man rule # 1 - never [unless your girlfriend] by a girl a drink. Water is permitted, but, only if they can not stand or may vomit in your close proximity.
We sit down at the table and put the 1st of our bets on Red
Spins - Black
We put our 2nd bet on Red
Spins - Black
We get up and walk out of the casino and are back at the hostel in 40 minutes (the journey there and back in 30)
Sonia and Hit-on-me found it amusing - Making people smile is what I am about.
We made a cup of Tea and played Chess [Rock and Roll Friday]
So now i found myself at the airport with 8 hours to kill. I have utilised the free showers, eaten breakfast, my ipod is fully charged and I have a 900 page novel. I cant quite face starting the book so its just on the table, so on lookers will think I am clever and that.
New Zealnd has been awesome. I have met some great people and experienced some lovely stuff.
I am off to get a tan and drink Rum in the Pacific.
You are relieved of your duty
Captain Warley
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Joker Poker
Sup,
Me and Jamin have strolled in to the sleepy surf town of Raglan -by-the- sea, the season is coming to the close and the town is running at half speed. The surf was minamal (I am like a young Kellie Slater) so we spent the day abusing the free net at the local library, drinking coffe and reading.
As day turned to night we and checked out the local poker night. The game ended up being free to play (it was part of the New zeland poker ladder, whereby you earned points for the grand final in 12 weeks time) However, there was a side pot of 5 bucs (pretty cheap night)
It turned out that is was nearly impossible to win, First of all you didnt know which players have paid into the side pot and this was combined by that you could buy back in at any time as long as you bought a jog of beer.
So we are surrounded by a load od red necks Ben drinking his pint and me drinking a latte (I am on anti-biotics - Kissed to many girls and that)
The real winner that night were the players, I will describe some of the more intresting players and whose job was to allow me to have a bloody awesome night
Player one - A man who had only the upper two canine teeth, went by the name of Manhunter or Monster - I had trouble distiungishing between them.
Player Two, Jerrad - Half way through the game he was peckish, so he ordered a Clam Chowder (I know) Once the afore-mentioned chowder was infront of him he beacme less intrested in poker. He love it so much that he ended up licking it clean like a dog and left lots opf traces on his trailor trash goat-ee.
Player Three - When a man reaches a certain age he becomes angry at the world and loses control of his bodily functions. He doesnt care if he continually burps in public (I did) round of a pllause for Jeff.
Palyer 4 - I will call her Mauri lady. Pleaset women, looked like she had a hard life and could of ranged between 40 -80. She did however have the load of crap going on between her private area (lets keep it that way) and her stomach. Commonly referred to has the Gunt or Fat flap. This load of shit is mesmorising and i have no idea how you get it.
Personaly i think its for people who continually have been hit in the balls or Ver Jay Jay and Evolution has come donw and said, NO. No more will people be abelt o hit you there because i have built you a load of crap that will protect you. Thanks evo, i owe you.
The Gunt was further highlighted by two-stripe joggers,mmmmmmm
Player 4 and 5 were deaf.
These players made the night and one non-player ruined the night for Ben.
Non player number One come on down,
I thought it was a He, Ben thought it was a She. She man was drunk and possibily homeless. He managed at one poitn during the game to come between Me and Ben, arm aorund us both and ask -
'So, Which one of you bitches takes it' - pleasant
After this i kinda avoided all eye contact, Ben however was not as lucky, He kept coming up to him tocuching him and mumbling load od crap. Ben was freaked and had every right to be!
We didnt win but i think the real winner was the night.
Peace x
Me and Jamin have strolled in to the sleepy surf town of Raglan -by-the- sea, the season is coming to the close and the town is running at half speed. The surf was minamal (I am like a young Kellie Slater) so we spent the day abusing the free net at the local library, drinking coffe and reading.
As day turned to night we and checked out the local poker night. The game ended up being free to play (it was part of the New zeland poker ladder, whereby you earned points for the grand final in 12 weeks time) However, there was a side pot of 5 bucs (pretty cheap night)
It turned out that is was nearly impossible to win, First of all you didnt know which players have paid into the side pot and this was combined by that you could buy back in at any time as long as you bought a jog of beer.
So we are surrounded by a load od red necks Ben drinking his pint and me drinking a latte (I am on anti-biotics - Kissed to many girls and that)
The real winner that night were the players, I will describe some of the more intresting players and whose job was to allow me to have a bloody awesome night
Player one - A man who had only the upper two canine teeth, went by the name of Manhunter or Monster - I had trouble distiungishing between them.
Player Two, Jerrad - Half way through the game he was peckish, so he ordered a Clam Chowder (I know) Once the afore-mentioned chowder was infront of him he beacme less intrested in poker. He love it so much that he ended up licking it clean like a dog and left lots opf traces on his trailor trash goat-ee.
Player Three - When a man reaches a certain age he becomes angry at the world and loses control of his bodily functions. He doesnt care if he continually burps in public (I did) round of a pllause for Jeff.
Palyer 4 - I will call her Mauri lady. Pleaset women, looked like she had a hard life and could of ranged between 40 -80. She did however have the load of crap going on between her private area (lets keep it that way) and her stomach. Commonly referred to has the Gunt or Fat flap. This load of shit is mesmorising and i have no idea how you get it.
Personaly i think its for people who continually have been hit in the balls or Ver Jay Jay and Evolution has come donw and said, NO. No more will people be abelt o hit you there because i have built you a load of crap that will protect you. Thanks evo, i owe you.
The Gunt was further highlighted by two-stripe joggers,mmmmmmm
Player 4 and 5 were deaf.
These players made the night and one non-player ruined the night for Ben.
Non player number One come on down,
I thought it was a He, Ben thought it was a She. She man was drunk and possibily homeless. He managed at one poitn during the game to come between Me and Ben, arm aorund us both and ask -
'So, Which one of you bitches takes it' - pleasant
After this i kinda avoided all eye contact, Ben however was not as lucky, He kept coming up to him tocuching him and mumbling load od crap. Ben was freaked and had every right to be!
We didnt win but i think the real winner was the night.
Peace x
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
In Matthew we trust
I read this comment recently
'God made New Zea land on the first day, rested on the 2nd, partied hard for a couple of days and then did a rush job on the rest of the world'
I liked this and it made me smile.
I have counteracted the the natural beauty of the place by not washing my hair or shaving. I am trying to look like Jesus ((just so i can get away with things)Repent) And as someone said to its good to look like Jesus because he was hung like that [please do action of Jesus on the cross] Get it?
I am not actually hung like that and infact suffer from a abnormality called micro penis (google images)
Yes, it is embarrassing but with a good friend support system in place i get by. I have slightly digressed from topic and am running out of time (i am so f8cking busy) that i will leave you wiht a sign that welcomed me in to a small town - it read -
No Doctors,
No Hospital
One cemetary.
How lovely, I stayed for tea
'God made New Zea land on the first day, rested on the 2nd, partied hard for a couple of days and then did a rush job on the rest of the world'
I liked this and it made me smile.
I have counteracted the the natural beauty of the place by not washing my hair or shaving. I am trying to look like Jesus ((just so i can get away with things)Repent) And as someone said to its good to look like Jesus because he was hung like that [please do action of Jesus on the cross] Get it?
I am not actually hung like that and infact suffer from a abnormality called micro penis (google images)
Yes, it is embarrassing but with a good friend support system in place i get by. I have slightly digressed from topic and am running out of time (i am so f8cking busy) that i will leave you wiht a sign that welcomed me in to a small town - it read -
No Doctors,
No Hospital
One cemetary.
How lovely, I stayed for tea
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Matthew and Bin in NZ
Sup,
I am in a carpark in the pouring rain at Frans Joseph. I am not in the best of moods (I have just this moment killed a midgy whihc has perked me up slightly [this is only a small peak on an other wise botomless trough])
Me and Jamin are both a little flat as we are waiting for the rain to clear so we can go on the Glacier Walk. Added to this is the realisation that I can not beat BenJAMIN at chess. We are both equally competitive and do not like losing. Chess I have found is my schillies heal.
Apart from me over dramatising (word?) a bit of rain and my inability to win at chess, everything else is good.
Since leaving Australia I ahve had a very enjoyable flight to Christchurch which I took full advantage of the Hostesses. It has rained everyday since we have been here and I dont have a waterproof (no biggy)
We have have hooked upa round the north of the south island and met lots of locals. Particular highlight includes taking a 35 km bend at 60km in the rain and shitting Ben up. Shortly after I was back to map reading and DJ duties!
A quick thankyou to Tom Frankish for making great mis cd's, Favourite is Phil with east lover - Just for Ben as he is loose!
Other highlights incluse seeing a fat girl walking around West port in the pouring rain with no shoes on a severe case of hungry Bum.
I am off to research Chess strategies, Hope you all feel richer for reading this.
Out.
Warley
I am in a carpark in the pouring rain at Frans Joseph. I am not in the best of moods (I have just this moment killed a midgy whihc has perked me up slightly [this is only a small peak on an other wise botomless trough])
Me and Jamin are both a little flat as we are waiting for the rain to clear so we can go on the Glacier Walk. Added to this is the realisation that I can not beat BenJAMIN at chess. We are both equally competitive and do not like losing. Chess I have found is my schillies heal.
Apart from me over dramatising (word?) a bit of rain and my inability to win at chess, everything else is good.
Since leaving Australia I ahve had a very enjoyable flight to Christchurch which I took full advantage of the Hostesses. It has rained everyday since we have been here and I dont have a waterproof (no biggy)
We have have hooked upa round the north of the south island and met lots of locals. Particular highlight includes taking a 35 km bend at 60km in the rain and shitting Ben up. Shortly after I was back to map reading and DJ duties!
A quick thankyou to Tom Frankish for making great mis cd's, Favourite is Phil with east lover - Just for Ben as he is loose!
Other highlights incluse seeing a fat girl walking around West port in the pouring rain with no shoes on a severe case of hungry Bum.
I am off to research Chess strategies, Hope you all feel richer for reading this.
Out.
Warley
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
East side x
Sydney to Brisbane - Sponsored by Jeremy Kyle
14 hours on a train surrounded by the most inbred group of families of all time.
To the front weighing in at 18 stone was a fat child slapping Mum wearing miniscule denim hotpants. The pink slightly transparent t-shirt she was sporting unfortunatley rode up when she slept causing her fatty middle to consume her hotpants. The image of this has burnt a scar onto my eyeballs which i fear will need surgery to remove.
In the seats behind we had a terrifying family, in whihc I have no idea of the relationship between each other. The 15 yeald boy constantly stared at me and enjoyed narrating his own life (not in a funny john Dorien way) After 2 hours I broke and asked hime to be quiet.
His two sisters/cousins/lovers (8 and 12 respectively) were both wearing nappies and stunk of Sh*t and P*ss. The B.O whihc stained the air came from the delightful adidas waterproof jackey wearing fatty (which I love)
The Hill Billy frunk sat a couple of rows back was a slight form of entertainment, especially after it took him 5 minutes to walk the lenght of 5 rows (xxxx)
On a positive note (and to refrain from ranting this whole blog) The Janet/Letoya Jackson Look a like was lovely eye candy and was the cherry on a month ild mouldy cockcroach ridden pie.
Sydney 2 Brsibane - TOO EASY
14 hours on a train surrounded by the most inbred group of families of all time.
To the front weighing in at 18 stone was a fat child slapping Mum wearing miniscule denim hotpants. The pink slightly transparent t-shirt she was sporting unfortunatley rode up when she slept causing her fatty middle to consume her hotpants. The image of this has burnt a scar onto my eyeballs which i fear will need surgery to remove.
In the seats behind we had a terrifying family, in whihc I have no idea of the relationship between each other. The 15 yeald boy constantly stared at me and enjoyed narrating his own life (not in a funny john Dorien way) After 2 hours I broke and asked hime to be quiet.
His two sisters/cousins/lovers (8 and 12 respectively) were both wearing nappies and stunk of Sh*t and P*ss. The B.O whihc stained the air came from the delightful adidas waterproof jackey wearing fatty (which I love)
The Hill Billy frunk sat a couple of rows back was a slight form of entertainment, especially after it took him 5 minutes to walk the lenght of 5 rows (xxxx)
On a positive note (and to refrain from ranting this whole blog) The Janet/Letoya Jackson Look a like was lovely eye candy and was the cherry on a month ild mouldy cockcroach ridden pie.
Sydney 2 Brsibane - TOO EASY
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